I hear what you are saying and I’m not in favor of going back and changing existing works.

The don’t waste your energy argument is faulty. Yes, spending all your time fighting about which words we use is a waste. But simply saying, “hey, maybe using this word instead of that is a good idea” doesn’t take a ton of energy. Some readers will say, “huh, never thought of it that way. Sure I’ll do that when I remember moving forward.” Others will say, “nah, I don’t think it really matters,” and do nothing until and unless most people also make the language shift.

Only a very small number of people will go around talking about it all the time and trying to police other people’s use of language. On the other side a small number of people will go around criticizing people who use new terms and trying to stop them. These people DO fall into the waste of energy category.

Language changes and how it changes matters. It takes a steady small drumbeat of hearing “you might want to think about this word this way” before change happens.

Yes, anxiety about not saying the wrong thing is real for people who care about not hurting others. The answer to that problem is not for people to stop caring. The answer is for all of us to care about people and their feelings and be gracious with one another.