Mary DeVries
1 min readFeb 12, 2021

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I think you had a lot of good content in your story. Revising your title might help. It sort of feels like you couldn't choose between two titles so you kept them both. If you want to keep both thoughts, maybe rework it a bit, "Is there a silver lining to the Trump Administration? 2020 put all the race cards on the table." I don't know though. I don't feel like titles are my strong point. I struggle with them a lot.

I also think your story could be improved with a little bit more attention to formatting. Remove any unnecessary asides and tighten up your paragraphs a bit. You have a lot very short paragraphs . Some of those would be improved by combining them. That way your remaining one line paragraphs really pack more of a punch.

Finally, there's that bit where you write, "She would regret those words immensely later. Another story for another day." You had me intrigued here. I would have teased this out a bit, maybe even given the reason. For example, "She would regret those words immensely later when my brother came out of the closet (or married a black women or whatever the truth is). You don't need to expand any more than that but then write that story up as well and when it is published, come back here and link to it.

@melindacrow explains the beauty of this strategy here https://writingcooperative.com/rocket-your-writing-to-the-next-level-by-creating-hat-tricks-1456f659e16b

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Mary DeVries
Mary DeVries

Written by Mary DeVries

I delight, despair and write about a life lived around the world. Fueled by Yorkshire Gold tea.

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