There is a lot of great humor in here and I appreciated the Canadianness of it all. I think the biggest problem for me is that it was a bit disjointed at times and I got confused.

The title doesn't suggest it is a humor piece in any way so you may have missed views that way.

I'd tighten it up a bit. Take out anything that isn't specifically about polar bears or Canada. For example, the detail that a Scot asked for clarification is fine but why should I care that she in now a teacher in Spain. It just confuses me and slows down the story.

YOu completely lost me on this sentence. "I responded, as is the due diligence assigned to me in a Canadian hospital as I was yanked from my mother’s slit-open gut in a procedure completely covered by universal healthcare."

I get the plug for universal healthcare but are you trying to say you were performing surgery on your mom or that you were responding to this text while your mom was in surgery? It was hard to pull myself back into the story after that.

You had me back when you started talking about the tsetse fly and coca cola. But I struggle once you got to the car. It seemed like you were confirming the tweet but then you had a paragraph about what people might be doing in the car they feel to escape polar bears before imagining polar bears driving away in your car. I'd pick just on of those scenarios.

In short, I think you tried to fit a bit too much into one story. Humor writing works best when it's very tightly focussed I think. But there was a lot of funny stuff in there.