Mary DeVries
Feb 13, 2021

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This is a beautiful story. I wish it had gotten a wider reading. I don't know what your original title was but I think maybe the title could have been better. I suck at titles though.

The one change I would suggest is flipping your first two paragraphs. Your second sentence, "And when those kids arrived, I got lost." reaches out and grabs me. It is so incredibly powerful and relatable. Most parents can immediately feel themselves in this place. I think moving this more emotional hook up to the beginning before the somewhat more detached and philosophical current first paragraph might have kept more people reading.

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Mary DeVries
Mary DeVries

Written by Mary DeVries

I delight, despair and write about a life lived around the world. Fueled by Yorkshire Gold tea.

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